The Game of Change

Geeta Ramakrishnan

Emotions

How COVID got me back in track.

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How COVID got me Back on Track

·     BEING SUPER STRESSED 24/7

I was chatting with my friend a few days back. Now this is the friend who was super busy, super stressed trying to balance her work, her home and her life till last year. Then COVID happened. Like most of us her life just came to a stop. She was not sure of her job. To add to her stress, her teenaged son, like most teenagers, was intelligent with not enough focus to match and had her worried to bits. Her ailing parents moved in as they needed special care during COVID and ofcourse being a single parent with no house help did not help her cause. She felt stuck and insecure and like a victim where everything bad just happens to her. With this mindset, even though she was carrying on, she was finding it difficulty to cope with this stress in life.

·     HOW TO PLAN YOUR DAY

So when I was chatting with her recently, this is how she said she learnt to cope with life. And I want to share it with you all her inspiring transformation journey. One day, she said enough is enough. Playing victim was costing her happiness, her quality of work and life was suffering. And this is what she did.  It was like I was seeing a new version 2.0 of my friend. Now this is how her new schedule panned out. Get up at 5am. Yes, getting organized and taking the trouble to get up earlier is well worth your time she said. Get up at 5am and sit in bed, stretch, smile and then start with a half hour of meditation. Meditation happens even if you sit on your bed, close your eyes, breath in through slowly your nose and breath out through your mouth even more slowly, and watch the traffic of thoughts in your mind. Just watch like in a movie. Don’t wish them away, don’t stay with your thought. Let them come and go. That can be a great way to meditate and start your day with a smile.

·      WHY OUTSOURCE

Then she gets some mandatory house work like cooking, laundry out of the way by outsourcings help. Initially she wanted to be seen as strong and capable and wanted to do all the work herself. The 2.0 version of her decided to invest in outsourcing for these ‘mundane have to get done’ stuff . She gets up early and plans her day, both house work and office work, all in one go. Worth getting up a bit early when u can be organized for the day. It becomes less of a stress.  Planning  helps, she says. Now she also prioritizes. The provision is planned and ordered monthly, the fruits and veges ordered weekly, thanks to the online ordering that she learnt to be adept at. Her office appointments and meetings are also planned weekly. Less stress and more work gets done. And she finds this helps her mental health and is able to devote time to her physical health as well.

·     MAKING ME TIME…

Being a doctor she opted for her clinic time of 10am to 4 pm. This gave her time to get herself groomed. Being well groomed does add to your internal confidence.  She also leaves reminders for her son, which they together co-plan. And he is only too happy to suddenly be treated as a responsible adult. The same son who used to play truant to do his homework and studies, now felt more confident when his mom started treating him with respect, as he put it.

·      HOW TO EFFECTIVELY SAY ‘NO’

She adopted a ‘no work after 5 pm policy’. Back home she spent some relaxed and social time, watching movies, reading and chatting with friends. The last one hour before she retires was left to spending time with her parents, sorting out their medicines, allowing them to vent their frustrations, aches and pains. She learnt the value of saying  an assertive ‘No’. That was one big learning in the step of achieving a holistic health and achieving her goals and being able to ace her professional and personal life.

·     COVID = OPPORTUNITY

To sum it up, she said COVID offered her such a grounding and humbling experience. She realized how important family and friends are and how to prioritize your time, and most important, how to say ‘NO’ to something that interferes with your schedule and peace of mind.

This is coachgeeta signing off.

Need more ideas to deal with Stress?

For more inspiration and ideas on handling stress and achieving success in what you seek, you can read through all my blogs .

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The Beautiful Bonds In Life

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A gentle reminder full of love that the seeds you’ve patiently planted will bloom in their own time. Your efforts today are worth it! 

Let’s Examine the Assumptions We Build in Life

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Let’s examine the assumptions we build in life. We form opinions and perceptions based on the assumptions we make in accordance to the experiences we pick up and build in life. Some specially strong experiences from our childhood have a profound influence in the assumptions we tend to make. Over time we start believing these assumption as ‘Facts’. As days pan into months and years, we don’t have time to examine and introspect some assumed ‘facts’. For example, if you are struggling to raise your children and struggling in successfully juggling home and work, you start developing a complex and may start believing that you are a bad mother. Possibly your mom was also busy and had no time for you. These memories add to your assumption. And right enough, one of your kids may have had a bad fall at home, when you were in the office. You are guilt ridden now with the ‘what if’ thoughts. Now if your other child failed their final exam and it came as a shock to you, again another valid reason to further entrench your belief that you are a bad mom. Now you will base all your future actions based on this truth that you are a bad mom, not be able to give the required attention to your children. You may compensate with material gifts for the children, again not a helpful reaction. Now if you were to take an intentional break, a pause, and do an audit of your juggling life, to introspect. Just because you are successful at work and spend more time in the office does not make you a bad mom. Maybe it is a good time to look at a better time management system for your work life balance. With this open mind you will be able to figure out some quality changes, maybe more interaction time with your children. You can also have a simple conversation with the children, explaining how you have responsibilities and you want this mother-child bond to be better, they will be more accepting and together you can work out some great ideas.The idea is to poke holes on some assumptions we build with age, and keep the helpful ones and replace the unhelpful ones.

Unhappy Mind = Unhappy Body

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When you spend a majority of your time in worry and anxiety, the stress affects every cell of your body and reacts by getting inflamed. Your organs, be it heart, lungs, kidney, skin, stomach are but a bunch of cells. Inflammation of these organs leads to a variety of diseases from thyroid disorder, to indigestion issues, to diabetes, to heart attack. The next time your minds chooses to worry, take a pause and remember the harm you are causing your body…Is it worth it?

Blog 37/52: Learn From Your Children

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Monday Blog 37/52:

Learn From your childrenI

f you get an opportunity, watch a baby learn to walk. They will get up wobbly placing one foot and then the next, falling in the process. Cry a bit maybe, only to get up and try again and again and again till one day they are walking with confidence and soon will be running all around the house.

Children are so pure, living in the moment. Not worried of what people with think or say.

Between 0 to 7 years, children are busy learning all the survival skills needed and are said to operate from their conscious mind. After which it switches to a sub-conscious mind, where behaviors are based on learnt perceptions and often on repeat mode, as we start forming habits.

Let us learn from the children and re-examine and learn to unlearn some perceptions, to not be judgmental and governed by what people will say, to focus on the now, to laugh aloud and to enjoy life one moment at a time.

Domestic Abuse

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There is a huge increase in domestic sexual abuse .. and with no where to go. Courts, lawyers, social workers, police are sometimes either not working or out of reach during this pandemic. And people often find it difficuilt to discuss such matters, and this abuse is unfortunately applicable to all strata of society. Hope this thread helps as many people as possible. Let us all stand united against this social evil.

The national lockdown has reported more than 50% rise in the domestic violence.

86% women who experience domestic violence do not seek help in India

Physical signs:

Black eyes, busted lips, red or purple marks on the neck, sprained wrists, bruises in the arm.

Emotional Signs:

Low self esteem, overly apologetic or meek, fearful, changes in sleeping or eating patterns, anxious or on edge, symptoms of depression, loss of interest in once enjoyed activity, talking about suicide.

Behavioral Signs

Becoming withdrawn or distant, cancelling appointments or meetings last minute, being late often, excessive privacy concerning their personal life, isolating themselves from friends and family

Blog 34/52: When Do You Walk Out

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When do you Walk out of a Relationship..In a marriage relationship, like any other relationship, it is good to define your boundaries from the start. Like some things are a big NO NO. Any form of repeated physical abuse, even if followed by a sorry every time is a NO NO. Any form of emotional abuse is more harmful than physical abuse. Be it bullying or temper tantrums or repeated derogatory remarks with the intention of putting you down, where you begin to doubt your own capability and self-worth is a big NO NO. Once this abusive behavior becomes a pattern, over time the abuser may not even be aware of this pattern as much as the recipient who may tend to accept it. The aggressor is often weak and the abuse give them a false sense of power. They may often need help to come out of this pattern. You saying NO is the first best step. Seek professional help. If the abusive partner is not willing to take this matter seriously and unwilling to take consistent action, then walking out of the relationship, however difficult it may be, will help getting your dignity and confidence back.

Blog 33/52: Elephant in the Room

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Blog 33/53

Address the Elephant in the Room

When your partner is angry, upset or sad, they sometimes just need a safe space to vent their frustration. They need your grounded presence, a shoulder to cry on. They are not looking for a solution to their problem, or your critical advice which often goes as ‘I told you so’. They want your patient ear, no retort, no judgement, no comments. Let your partner vent the frustration. If you are the unwitting victim to this anger and irritation, hear it out without reacting. Tell your partner you both can revisit this discussion with a calmer state of mind. Use that calm opportunity, often found by the next day, to check what triggered the anger. If hurtful words were used in anger, simply address it with an even tone, saying you do not appreciate such hurtful words. Often conversations in a calm frame of mind turn out to be more fruitful. And it is always better to address the elephant in the room at the appropriate time rather than sweep it under the carpet to buy temporary peace.