The Game of Change

Geeta Ramakrishnan

Emotions

Perfect Parenting – Raising Happy and Successful Children

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Family is one of the most fundamentally important institutions in our society. The size of a family has changed over the years. We have seen a major shift as modern-day couples now choose to live in a nuclear family setup as opposed to in joint families. Earlier, most children enjoyed the company of multiple family members around them. This ensured the primary caregiver received help from senior members in the house. Children growing up in a joint family tend to develop a greater sense of belongingness and bonding than those raised in a nuclear family setup. Even though living in a joint family has its perks, there is constant pressure of bringing up the child in a certain way. In a nuclear setup, as the number of caregivers reduces, it brings with it the independence and liberty for the parents to participate wholly in their parenting journey. This independence comes with its own set of challenges. In their quest to be ‘perfect parents’, the couple finds themselves falling into a trap of ‘comparison’, ‘guilt’, and ‘unfavourable expectations’, which does more harm than good. You can see more information on how to change your parental strategy when your child enters their teenage years.

Read on further to understand how replacing the word ‘perfect’ with ‘positive’ can bring about a change in the way you raise happy and successful children. 

Parenthood is a journey to learn from unique experiences

Parenting on its own is an overwhelming feeling. As we dawn on this important journey of parenthood, it becomes important to note that every parenting journey is unique and circumstantial. It comes with a huge responsibility of learning how to deal with change Although we might have similar situations as that of our peers, the way we handle them is unique to us alone. It is also important to be aware that the parenthood experience among siblings will also be different and not the same. As parents, it is our responsibility to raise our children in the best way that we know of, that works as per our family’s strengths, weaknesses and abilities. 

Parenting is Intuitive

Parenting is not a competitive sport or a one-size-fits-all formula. I would say it is instincts based. Every time there is a situation, look for signals from your child and follow your gut instinct. Have a readily adaptable and flexible approach to enjoy the natural joy and fun that comes with Parenting. Make your parenting choices and be proud of them. 

Do not fall into the Guilt Trap 

Society and media (social media inclusive) impose enormous amounts of pressure on parents to perfect the art of parenting. This could lead you to question pretty much everything that you do. Let go of other people’s opinions and criticism. Do not focus on what other people are doing, whether right or wrong. Carefully choose your peers, the ones who are sharing real problems and not always glamorizing their parenthood journey. Rather than focusing on what you think is wrong, focus on what you can do best at the moment. In today’s world, we see the focus of ‘perfect parenting’ slowly shifting to ‘perfect motherhood’. Do not shy away from asking for help. Set healthy routines and always check in on your well-being and practice self-care. No course or training can prepare you for your parenting journey, you learn from your unique experiences and challenges. 

Happiness trumps perfection

There cannot be a single benchmark for perfection in parenthood. Parenthood does not equal sainthood. An overtly loving and caring (seemingly perfect) parent could end up harming the child at times. A selfish parent can sometimes make a child learn the values of compassion and generosity. We would any day take a happy and compassionate parent over a ‘perfect parent. To an innocent child, their parents are perfect. When the child grows up this naive assumption may change into disillusionment or may not change and they may continue to hold onto this naive belief. But the world implicitly knows that there is no such thing as a perfect anything. As there are no perfect people, there are no perfect parents and no perfect children. It is advisable to not evaluate parenting with a flawed yardstick of perfection. What matters more is freedom and happiness. It is necessary to dispel the myth of perfect parents and replace it with positive and happy parents to reflect it with happy and positive children to save everyone from the exasperating ritual of parenthood. It is time to get real, candid, and rational about the way we view parenting. I have curated some content that will help you navigate through your parental journey.

6 Important Ways You Can Achieve a Healthy Mind and Body

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Self care is often misunderstood as being selfish or self-indulgent, when it is in fact a conscious act of prioritizing your mental, physical and emotional health. It is all about taking good care of mind, soul, and body by learning how to eat well, reduce stress, exercise, and focus on your hobbies. We often neglect self-care. This is due to negligence and also because most of us are tied up in a hectic schedule every day, have stressful jobs, and are highly consumed with technology to even take some time out for ourselves. In today’s world only having sound health is not enough. Mental wellness plays an important role as well. Read here to know the importance of understanding and recognizing mental health. Please read further to see how incorporating the below 6 tips in your life can help you engage in self-care. 

Be Assertive

Often saying “no” is accompanied by an overwhelming feeling of guilt, feeling inadequate, not enough or incompetent. For many of us, saying no is not just awkward, it feels wrong. Saying ‘no’ is a skill one can sharpen with time by establishing boundaries at work, at home, and with friends.  

Plan and Audit 

Self-care is different for everyone, it isn’t one size fits all scenario. Your self-care plan needs to be aligned with your needs. When you discover that you’re neglecting a certain aspect of your life, create a plan for change. Keep your progress in check, celebrate your wins, understand your failures. Reassess your life often, as your situation changes, your self-care needs are likely to change too.

Learn to express your feelings 

Anger, frustration, and agitation are completely normal and a hundred percent valid feelings. Suppressing these feelings is extremely harmful and can take a toll on your mental as well as physical health. Explaining your perception without coming across as aggressive is a skill that can help solve most of your life problems. 

Healthy Diet 

We are what we eat. It has been proven throughout centuries that your gut health can make pivotal changes to your mental and overall well-being. As a thumb rule, the portion in every 1 serving should be as such – 0.5 veggies and fruits, 0.25 protein, and 0.25 carbs. Track your water intake throughout the day, plan to ensure you drink enough every day. Sufficient water intake will optimize your brain function.  

Make a Fitness Plan

Regular exercise boosts serotonin levels in your brain which results positively to impacting your sleep cycles, appetite, and digestion. Exercising works like magic for you, just 30 minutes of cardio 5 days a week can drastically improve your overall wellbeing. Apart from physical exercises, we often fail to practice mental exercises. Our brain is involved in everything we do, hence, exercising brain should be incorporated in your routine for memory, focus and daily functionality.   

Relax

Take a breather, detach from everything, forget about your deadlines, just for some time and appreciate your presence on this earth, live in the now. These exercises every day for 15 minutes before you go to sleep will help you combat feelings of depression and anxiety. 

If you are looking to up your self-care game, get in touch with me on my website. I will be pleased to take you through a step-by-step guide on how you can ace your mental and physical health by staying focused and consistent. Refer to my page for additional resources that will be beneficial for you as you partake on this journey. 

The Game of Hormones in Goal Setting

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Did you know that our actions have a direct impact on our physical and mental wellness? This happens as every emotion results in our brain producing certain hormones and these hormones are responsible for our moods, temperament, and overall physical and emotional well being. Today, I want to simply talk about four hormones that are the answer to questions like ‘How to increase productivity?’ or ‘How to improve memory?’ or ‘How to improve memory retention?’ or ‘How to enhance your mood and energize yourself?

These are the famous-four happy hormones:

  • • Serotonin
  • • Oxytocin
  • • Dopamine
  • • Endorphins

Let’s begin with Serotonin – the feel good hormone. It helps positively regulate our mood, our digestion and our sleep pattern. Did you know  your gut bacteria is involved in the production of this hormone? Serotonin along with Melatonin controls the circadian rhythm of your body. By that I mean, the 24 hour internal clock responsible for sleep. So Serotonin helps regulate your mood naturally. When your serotonin levels are at a normal level, you should feel more focused, emotionally stable, happier, and calmer. This obviously impacts your performance at work and in general. It’s a chain reaction. This hormone impacts your entire body. It enables brain cells and other nervous system cells to communicate with each other, enabling you to be more present, creative and focused at work.  When you tie it with goal setting,  sky’s the limit in what you set to achieve. Serotonin also helps with sleeping, eating, and digestion. However, if the brain has too little serotonin, it may lead to depression.

The second one is the hormone called oxytocin – the hormone that promotes bonding and trust. It’s also referred to as the cuddle hormone because a simple hug to your loved one helps your brain produce oxytocin. That is why if you want to share your happiness or if you wish to express sympathy, a good hug actually helps.  If you are feeling a bit low, the same hug helps lift you up.  The best example that comes to my mind is the bond between a mother and a newborn child and how a hug automatically induces trust. Essentially, this hormone brings about a healing effect, easing pain and improving the immune system. As a result, it promotes mental well being to a great extent. It goes without saying that when your mental health is well taken care of, you are better equipped at anticipating and dealing with a changing environment. And as we all know, change is the only constant. In our personal and professional lives, dealing with change can be cumbersome, but if you are mentally fit, you can easily handle any challenge thrown at you.

Next is the hormone called dopamine – the third in the series of happy hormones and one that loves to work with a  reward system. Hence, any kind of achievement – big or small – is translated into the creation of dopamine in your body.

So when you are pursuing a goal, start with baby steps and look for small wins. As the happy hormone dopamine kicks in, your body starts craving for more, and the brain motivates you and supports you in doing better for further wins. However, the downside of dopamine is that it is addictive. For instance we’re all addicted to our mobile phones, to social media. You post your picture on Instagram or Facebook and as soon as you get likes and appreciative comments it kicks off the dopamine in your system eventually wanting more and more. This is an addiction that must be maneuvered well, else it can prove to be detrimental in more ways than one.

Also dopamine is said to enhance productivity. Use these tips to boost the level of dopamine in your body and you’ll see how effectively you can achieve your goals.

Finally, we come to Endorphins. When you exercise, cardio activities like walking, running, dancing, swimming release endorphins into your system. These are known to give you the high you feel after a good workout session and also known to block physical pain. It basically keeps you in a happy space. Being physically active thus has a boosting effect on your moods, to help you maintain positivity, which inturn can help in reducing anxiety and depression. So exercise and physical activities promote great mental well-being. You will always notice that before your workout laziness may creep in, but once you push yourself to do it, you feel elated and energetic afterward. It gives you a positive feeling and being in a positive state of mind goes a long way in supporting you to meet your goals, to dealing with change and the stress that come with the challenges of life. I strongly believe that the area of your focus brings you results in exactly that direction, be it the positive or the negative aspects of life.

If you still feel downhearted and overwhelmed with the never ending challenges that come with being a professional in a working environment that is constantly changing, visit my blog for valuable reads on how to promote wellness in the workplace, dealing with change in the workplace, anticipating and dealing with a changing environment and ultimately creating a fulfilling professional journey.

Managing Stress: A Woman’s Perspective

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A Competitive World:

We live in a competitive world that leads to stress. You have to compete in school, to do your best to get into a better University. Then you have to compete for your dream job. If you think you arrived, then you are wrong. With work comes pressure and more struggle, with now also with managing work-life balance. Whether one likes it or not, I believe women work twice as hard as men in many aspects of life, be it professional or personal. What is your motivation to success?

Women wear multiple hats, and to juggle them successfully is an acquired skill, being daughters, mothers, professionals, managers, homemakers, dreamers, achievers. You want to be seen as strong and confident in all that you do. It comes with a cost. It will cost you anxiety for sure and can also cost your health. It dents your self-esteem. Soon resentment sets in, and stress becomes a habit, an accepted way of life. What you need is to learn to step back, pause and introspect. It would help if you gave yourself the time and much earned self-validation to feel confident, which usually takes a beating as you navigate these multiple roles in life; more is stress than in choice.

How do you Identify the Problem?

So how do you identify the problem when it has become a background default and unconscious habit? You have been conditioned over generations with an image of how women should be. When you are young, your mothers unconsciously feed to your image as someone who must not argue, fight, or talk too loud. You grow up accepting a lot of ‘inequality’ or have to work hard and fight against such ‘norms.’ Men have different qualities than women, both important and useful.

As a motivation and wellness coach, I have seen times over and believe, you bring your unique attributes to this world, your society, your family. You can be better nurturers, being emotionally stronger. You are more focused and better managers than men, with greater attention to detail. You need to believe in you and your yet to blossom abilities. Being aware of and focusing on your unique strength rather than complaining or resenting is a significant first step to a confident you.

How to change the Attitude?

What will help you in your quest to be the ‘ideal woman, be seen as an achiever, and follow your big dream? Does multitasking bring overwhelm instead of effectiveness?  Can you change the male-dominated trend in this world by being aggressive or by complaining? Maybe you are devoting more time to your family, your children, much more than your spouse, perhaps. Are you giving any time, value, and self-love for yourself? Are you unwittingly putting yourself in constant stress?

Where is the Balance?

As a woman, you constantly struggle with work-life balance, to give your best to the different roles. You often think you can handle the children better and allow the strain of child-rearing to rest more on your shoulders. You also do not expect, let alone ask for help in household responsibilities. To be seen as equally efficient in the office, you take in more work, more working hours perhaps. If there is physical or emotional abuse, you sometimes accept it due to a lack of better options. If you choose to fight, you can be termed aggressive. Where is the balance? By the way, work-Life balance is not just a woman’s issue, as seen from the research in this article:

https://edition.cnn.com/2014/06/23/living/work-life-balance-women-men-parents/index.html

How do you cope with this Overwhelm?

How do you cope with all this stress and overwhelm? You cope with stress by procrastination, denial, or ignoring the problem at hand, playing the blame game. ‘My maid is always late and irresponsible; my office staff never gives the report on time, why can’t my children be more responsible… The list is endless. You often go into denial mode. Or you use the escape mode. While smoking and drinking within limits may not be harmful, it can give short-lived results, increasing addictive dependency as an escape from stress.

Stress shows up in your Body:

Your body needs the rest when the symptoms are shouting out there. It could be the aches and pains which doctors have no remedy for; it could help with some gyne issues or just that niggling headache. How many times are you in denial when there is a physical or emotional abuse? You might want to ignore and wish the problem away, as you have no time or energy to deal with them now. Yes, it takes courage. I know from my personal experience and struggle with realizing the problem. It took me time to accept there is a problem in the first place, especially when my body could take it no more and effected by mental wellbeing.  It takes courage to say ‘No.’  and make the effort to change. Yes, there is fear. But everything you want is often on the other side of fear.

All the Solutions are within You:

Now that you recognize the problems and pitfalls, you want to change your attitude, create new habits. But you do not know how to bring about this change. Often all it takes is to physically take the step back, take a deep breath, breathing out slowly. Sounds easy yet powerfully effective. These few seconds are enough to allow your brain to move from its default 24/7 ‘stress’ mode to a ‘creative’ window. When I first reading on this research, I thought to myself, how can it be that easy? We like complex solutions and think only those work. This in nothing but a misapprehension.

I started practicing some breathing techniques, slowing down my breath when I am at it. I soon noticed, when I was stressed, I could bring myself to slow down my breath and this in-turn made my mind calmer, allowing me to handle that stress. My health started to improve, and I felt lighter, with more energy and enthusiasm. All the solutions are within you, right there inside the creative side of your brain. This stepping back and observing ourselves helps.

Other Tools:

What other tools help you access your creative side, other than a few slow breaths? If you want to give your best in all the multiple roles, you first need to provide yourself with ‘Me Time and Me Space.’ If you don’t pace yourself, take a pause, validate yourself, celebrate your small success, give yourself self-love, how can you add value to others, be it in your personal or professional life? Take time out for coffee-breaks with friends, a movie perhaps. It is an excellent platform to share, even bitch a little and laughing your heads off. 

Learn to let-go, to forgive. Forgiveness is only complete when you forgive and forget. It lets the enormous burden off your shoulder. Empathy helps one look at issues from another perspective while not necessarily agreeing with it. Try to understand a colleague’s problems, sometimes beyond work. It will lead to healthy conversations, even if it is a difficult one. Looking for and focusing on even the slightest positive aspect in your spouse and your children and appreciating them is a significant step toward building that solid trust. All these steps help define your boundary better and make it easier to say ‘No’ and be assertive and confident. It boosts your self-esteem and self-worth.

Practice makes New Habits stay:

The more you practice these mindfulness exercises, the more you will access your creative brain and find that perfect balance. It helps you choose, from resentment and stress to happiness and excitement, seeking opportunities in challenges. It allows you to blossom into a strong, confident woman with abundant energy. It enables you to manage your stress and work-life balance, be in choice, and be happy. You can share the happiness while nurturing others and be present for others without compromising you in the bargain.

For more related articles on managing stress, wellness and work-life balance, follow my blogs on https://coachingwithgeeta.com/blog/

The is Coachgeeta signing off…

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Winning Mindset for Women

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How we Build our Perceptions:

We learn from our surroundings, our parents, friends, workplace, and culture. We start adding our meaning to these learnings and start building our assumptions and perception of life. It becomes our reality and gets ingrained in our heads, acting as a background filter.  Many of us picked up that women are meant to stay at home and men to work.  While this may have been a social model a few centuries back, but the women of today are working. They work not only for the income or for the family, but they also work by choice to achieve and enjoy it. Unfortunately, the residue of the past image of women, in men’s heads and even in women’s, comes in the way of achieving success and happiness for women.

What we Think becomes our Reality:

If we think of ourselves as capable, able to manage our family, and have a successful career, then we can achieve it. But if we look at work as a burden, life becomes stressful as something we are just doing for monetary gains. If we want to be career women on the one hand but keep telling this story in our heads that it is a man’s world, and life is unfair, you build on your perceptions and may struggle as a result. I am leaving you with a link to an article on perception vs. reality concerning working women. Enjoy the read. https://wearethecity.com/perception-vs-reality-powerful-women-in-business/

A Winning Mindset:

Maybe women have to work twice as hard to prove a point. So be it.  If you start adopting a positive attitude,  you may still have to work twice as hard, but you will enjoy it.  It is finally about our philosophy in life and accepting life and then taking it up as a challenge and driving it forward. That is a winning mindset. It makes you more enthusiastic and makes you feel light and happy and capable of tackling all the stress and challenges in life. Who said life is easy. But you can still be happy and be successful. It is the attitude you wear that counts.

Is that Easy:

I also grew up almost automatically thinking that men are the providers and women don’t necessarily have to pursue a career.  I am talking of this perception when I was just in middle school. Thankfully, my parents helped me see otherwise, provided the support and love, and cared for me to nurture my career path.  Later on, my husband and children being the most significant support in my journey. I learned to face any challenge that came my way with a ‘Yes, I can’ attitude. I, of course, failed many times, got stressed out, had trouble balancing work and family, but I kept up my curiosity and learning attitude to find my success and happiness.

Are you Stressed out with Work-Life Balance:

So are you successful at work, and then your other priorities like family or social life take a hit. Or are you the type that gets so engrossed in your day-to-day mundane things and can’t focus on the bigger picture?  Are you getting overwhelmed doing so much yet unable to achieve?

What are your Boundaries?

Here is one place to start. How good are you at setting your boundaries, at saying NO? Do you say yes many times, at work and home, and then you feel so stressed doing that work which you didn’t want to do in the first place.  Maybe at work, you said yes because you don’t want to be seen as being less efficient. At home, you say yes to your children and your spouse because either you feel guilty as you assume as a woman it is your job to cook and clean and help with your kids’ homework, and you didn’t even think you could ask your husband to help out. Sometimes you can say no to work in the office if it is more than what you can handle.  You can either ask for help, ask for extra time, or say that you just can’t fit it in.  Same at home, you can ask your children to help you out or your husband to help you out.  Sometimes if you cannot handle it, you can say no in a friendly way, and it’s OK. People will respect you more only if you respect yourself, your time, and your dignity first.

Time Management as a Confidence Booster:

Time management is another area to help with stress and work-life balance. It is a great confidence booster.  I take an hour or two of my weekend to plan my week.  I make a list of crucial and urgent things that have to get done, and I allot them to time slots in that week. I also make a list of things that are not urgent but important. I put them second on my priority. I also leave time slots for surprises like urgent emails that suddenly crop up and need to be answered. Remember, your boundary management also helps you here.  My list also contains what I would love to do but are not helpful. So put them as ‘pending,’ and I may do it if I have time or may not do it.   This exercise makes me less overwhelmed and more confident when I know my week is all planned and sorted out.

Appreciate More:

One easy tip to be a stress-free 2.0 Version of you: Learnt to appreciate more. It just lifts your mood as the other person is happy, and it makes you happy. We are always misers with appreciation and keep looking for blaming others at work and home.    Also, appreciate yourself for your excellent work with small rewards. For example, every 2 hours of focused work, give yourself a coffee/ chat break with a friend as a reward. It helps excite your brain to do more. 

Focus on the Learnings:

To change our perceptions we have built over the years, we have to practice these new behaviors, new ways of being, till they become the new useful perceptions, helping us handle the stress in our life with ease and achieve success in whatever we seek.

Interested in the transformation into 2.0 version?

Have a look at  ‘5 Tips to reduce Stress’

Available from my resource page :

Free Resources

Anxiety and its effect on Health

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Do you live in Fear and Anxiety?

Do you fear what will happen in the future?  Do you live in resentment about things of the past, and you had no control over it. This blog is about how to face the fear and anxiety of the uncertain future.  It is about how to move away from resentments of the past. And how to meet the Stress of today with confidence, so you feel empowered to create success and happiness at the same time.

Let’s Dive In:

Let us start from the beginning. What are your fears, and what are you afraid of?  Does it create anxiety in you?  Let us examine these things first. As we navigate through life, we build perceptions around us. They are based on our understanding of the experiences around us, and we add our meaning to them, coloring them through our eyes.  For example, ‘I am a mother because I have two kids’. This is a ‘fact.’ I am a bad mother’; on the other hand, it is my perception I have made myself to believe. And over time, it becomes my ‘fact,’ my background operating system, and puts my under stress. So that may lead me to react by spoiling my children to be a good mom.  Anyways we all make such assumptions and get bogged down by them.

We live in the past:

Now, look at the other scenario.  Since we live in the past a lot, we continually think about the past incidences in our lives.  Especially those that didn’t go well and left a mental scar. Based on this, we fear our future. We then think, what if things do not go well just like the last time, what if I will fail, or what if I can’t pay my bills, what if I fall sick, and the ‘what ifs’ never ends.  We live in fear and anxiety and Stress.

So What Can You Do About This:

 Let us start by assuming that you had this big fight with your close friend. You can’t believe that she said such mean things about you after being friends for so long.  So you just shut her out.  But this incidence plays again and again in your mind in loops.  And you can physically feel this burden on your shoulder.  Well, that’s how your mind and bodywork. It attracts past negative thoughts and replays them in loops, equally affecting your body and mind. And now you live in resentment as you cannot let go of that incident from your mind. Have you had a calm conversation with your friend, conveying that you were so angry and explaining why? Did you ask for her point of view? Did you give her a right ear even if you disagree with her beliefs? Sometimes it’s OK to let go and agree to disagree. Sometimes it’s OK to forgive. When you forgive, you bring a lot of peace to your mind, to your heart, and maybe your friendship will become better or perhaps it will not. If it does not, at least you tried, and it is time to place a full stop and move on. I call this acceptance. Once there is an acceptance, there is so much peace instead of Stress. The self-awareness is a good place to start, to make the positive change.

While it is easy to talk about forgiveness and to let-go, let me tell you it was not easy for me. There was a situation in the past, and initially I couldn’t forgive this person. I kept repeating the incidence again and again in my mind. Even during meditation the thoughts kept re-playing itself, making me more upset and stressed. One day when I was walking in the garden, in a relaxed mood, I recalled the troubled event.  I concluded that I tried, the other person cannot see my point, and being an moral issue, I could not agree and I decided I was ok this way. That moment of acceptance just hit me. It gave me immediate peace and I could feel it in my body. This feeling is well worth letting-go rather than holding-on to a negative thought. It makes you feel lighter and attributes to your good health.

Self-Talk of Confidence and Self-Esteem:

As I said, it is always the fear that holds us back from trying out new things, from experimenting.  It is mostly the fear of failure, and especially you will notice, ‘what others think if I fail ‘is somehow very important to us. We are looking for external validation again. If you change the language in your mind and tell yourself, what is the worst that can happen to you if you fail, and say that ‘you can handle it.’ Once you give that self-talk of confidence to your mind, you will be better prepared to take the risk. Now take a calculated risk and try out something new. Maybe you will succeed, then wonderful. Maybe you will fail. That still means you have an ‘opportunity’ here. An opportunity to learn from your failure. Look back and see what made you fail. Check on what your assumptions were and how you can now change things to make them succeed.  It could also happen that what you wanted to achieve needs to be tinkered within the first place. Maybe it was not realistic to start with, and you need to readjust it.  This whole process of being open to change, being flexible, being curious add a lot of excitement in achieving or reaching that goal. It is a good confidence building tool, which adds to your self-esteem as well. This state of positive mindset leads to good health and prevents ‘lifestyle diseases’ like obesity, diabetes and many more.  Since I like to focus on science based research and statistics, I will share this link to check it further of the relationship between confidence and good health.  https://www.successconsciousness.com/blog/inner-strength/increase-your-confidence-to-improve-your-health/

Focus on the Process:

You can easily change Stress and positively impact your health and wellness. Focusing on the process rather than the result is an excellent way of going forward and moving from a stressed way of living to a happier way of living where you are excited about doing things.  You are no more resentful. You don’t have that much fear or anxiety because you now know that no matter what happens, you can handle it. And that enthusiasm comes from within. It is an excellent confidence-building tool. And like Elon Musk says, ‘you fail when you do not take a risk.’  This process of being the positive change, in itself leads to a robust physical and mental health and wellbeing.

Wellness Brain Hacks:

 I want to leave you with some easy brain hacks which will help your mind be more comfortable trying new things, experiment with the change, and transcending your fear.  It will take you one step closer to your overall wellness.

1.        Brush your teeth with the non-dominant hand.

2.        Solve crossword puzzles.

3.        Try doing Sudoku.

4.        Learn a new language

5.        Take up a new skill like gardening, cooking, or any handicraft like crochet, knitting.

What these activities do is, fires different parts of your brain. Especially those areas which we rarely use, being busy making the same old, same old habits.

In Conclusion:

I hope you now have a better idea of handling your fears and anxiety to navigate your life more towards excitement. It builds up your confidence level,  empowers you to be successful in whatever you seek. This mindset change from Stress to enthusiasm positively impacts your work output and your professional life. In turn, your personal life, your health, and overall wellness are also positively impacted.

Practice, practice, and practice your new learning till it becomes a part of you.

This is Coachgeeta signing off.

To learn more about Winning the Game of Change, you can schedule a complimentary coaching call from my website:

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The Skill of saying an assertive ‘NO’

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Do you have problems in saying an assertive ‘No’

Do you have difficulty in saying ‘NO’? Do you find that you are often taking on more than you can actually handle?  And now you are stuck with your commitments plus the additional work of someone else that you unwittingly took on and told them that, ‘OK I’ll do it for you’ . And you are struggling with these, what I call as excuses:  How can I say no? What if he feels bad. I cannot hurt my boss. He is my superior. My children really need me. I have done it so long for my spouse, now it feels like a habit. Are all these thoughts floating in your head right now , as you are struggling to handle the additional work? Then this blog is for you.

What happens when we say ‘Yes’, but in our heads it would rather be a ‘No’:

Many a times we know that we cannot take on other’s work or we do not want to take on other’s work. It could be due to lack of time or adding to the already existing stress you have in hand or the inability to handle someone’s mess.

Besides it also makes us look weak and insignificant and we are unwittingly giving the power to the others. We know this at the back of our minds. Yet we take on as we do not know how to say an assertive ‘NO’.  It is like self- sabotage.  It makes us resentful and more stressed.

So why do you repeat this pattern?

 Is it fear?  Do we want to avoid confrontation?  Or do we want to buy temporary peace? Does it help you in the long run? Or did it pull down your confidence level instead?  These are valid points to consider.  Take this example… your colleague wants you to finish his work as he has ‘something else’ important that came up. And of course you oblige. Now you notice that his ‘something important’ is coming up more often, but you still cannot say no. Soon it has become a habit which you cannot now get out of . You may think what if he feels bad , or you think it is OK as it’s just 10 more minutes of my time and let me do it one last time and then another and another and it goes on.

Reasons for saying ‘Yes’:

Saying yes when you mean no to buy peace for now .It is like sweeping the dirt under the carpet. It will surely come one day to bit you, and in a big way. Saying yes to request when you actually do not want to is also a cultural thing.  Saying no can be considered as rude in many cultures. Or sometimes we perceive saying NO as a weakness . Sometimes the person who is asking, is a good friend, and you don’t want to let them down . And some people are just pleasers by nature and like to say yes all the time, even if they cannot handle it. And these small small things add up and it can become a pattern in your life…an inability to say no to people in general. And it comes with the cost. You might start complaining and whining, and believe me, at that time, nobody wants to listen to you and then you start becoming resentful. Guess who’s to blame now .

What went wrong here:

Were you not trying to be kind and accommodating? Think again. When you start accommodating at your cost, it is at the cost of your time, at the cost of your efficiency.  You are not helping the other person nor are you helping yourself.  In fact you’re getting into this Circle of complaining, of self- pity, of being resentful and Eventually it takes a toll on your confidence level, on your ability to be productive.

So, what can you do about it:

How can you tell your friend, your colleague ‘no’ when he requests something and you really don’t want to do it or don’t have the time for it and yet you don’t want to sound rude and definitely don’t him or her to feel bad about it? So here is one thing you can think about the next time somebody comes and ask you for a favor and you really want to tell them no.  Instead of just saying no in their face, try changing the language perhaps. You can be polite and say, ‘Can I get back to you’ or ‘I really wish I could help you, but you know what, I really have this bit of work that needs my attention, so sorry’. And you can gracefully navigate your way out. That is one way, where you are not at-least being rude.

What is it is your superior palming off his work?

There may be times where it is your superior who is requesting you. Another way to handle it is to do it this time but choose a better time when the person is more relaxed and just explain your pressure to them. Maybe they will understand. Eventually people will get it that you are no more a soft target. I think speaking up for yourself earns more respect than just doing favors and extra work for others which can appear as a sign of weakness.

Standing up for yourself gives you more power:

When it comes to family, sometimes you just have to say yes whether you like it or not and its ok.  But at some point, you have to learn to draw your boundaries. What does draw your boundary mean. It means you define in your head that this is the extent to which you can stretch yourself and help people and this is the point where you do not want to, and you say a ‘NO’ in an assertive and nice way.  You will do this because it’s going to help you feel more confident, stronger and you do not want to overwork and stress yourself that finally you have no energy left for yourself nor for others in this bargain.

Need more ideas to deal with Stress?

For more inspiration and ideas on handling stress and achieving success in what you seek, you can read through all my blogs.

Interested in taking this Further?

Curious about my coaching methods and easy to follow tips and tricks in managing your stress and achieving success in professional and personal life?

To learn more about Winning the Game of Change, you can schedule a complimentary coaching call from my website : https://coachingwithgeeta.com/book-a-session/

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Can One really step back and not miss the bus?

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Does Slowing-down actually helps?

Now one may ask if you have so much to do, your work, your focus, your family, your life, how can you take a step back, a pause to examine and audit your time, your work-life balance. This almost sounds like a foolish advice. Afterall you have always learnt that if you snooze you lose. You really have no time for slowing down, and what if you decide to take the step back and miss the bus?

Benefits of regular life appraisals:

While all of these thoughts are relevant, on the other hand, often giving a pause once in a while to examine your life, to look at what went well, what worked, and what did not work and what is your learning from it, is what can make you smarter, sharper and more focused in life.  I am sure you are used to the annual, half-yearly or quarterly  appraisals at work, and more so because it is mandatory and mostly tied to a reward. Use the same principle to review your life, monthly perhaps. This reward system is based on science and has been proved to work times over.

Our Fear System:

While the reward system often works, we also have an inbuilt fear system holding us back. What if we fail, what if we lose our job, what if I cannot pay my house EMI.. and this what if list gets longer and longer. All it does is overwhelm us and stress us up. Many times it is ok to make mistakes and even beneficial if one looks back. It offers the best learning path, however hard it may seem at that point. Besides, only if you are willing to take risks and make mistakes will you grow.

Audit Points

Coming back to auditing your life, I use a sort of 360 degree audit tool, which includes my personal life and what I am doing about my physical, mental health and wellness like my healthy eating habits, the water I drink, my stress level, time for relaxation and hobbies, my family and children time, my professional goals and ambitions.  Slowing down once in a while and taking some time to audit our life, makes us more aware. It give us space to focus on our time management and prioritizing skills.  And  it helps us reduce stress and manage better work-life balance. The result, it adds confidence back into our life, and the belief that ‘I can do it’ which is a great booster to ace the professional and personal life.

From Overwhelm to Balance:

I try and distribute my time in all these spheres and not stretch myself, as it is not worth the stress and mental and physical fatigue, since it is always one at the cost of the other. I use a planner, slotting my ‘to-do’ list in order of priority. Some are important and cannot be avoided like dropping kids to school, ordering provision for the house. Some are urgent like the office budget that needs to get done by end of the week. Some can wait and depends if I have the time and energy, like the needlework I wanted to do at some point. This planning removes the feel of overwhelm as each day begins. I feel if one learns to choose and stay focused and disciplined, prioritizing our well-being, it makes us more confident as a person, where happiness, wealth and success will follow.

What does a balanced like look like?

When we are able to learn the art of balancing our professional and personal like, we becomes ofcourse less stressed, but also more happy. We are able to enjoy life, and enjoy the fruits of our hard work, with better health.  Stress leads to life style diseases like diabetes, obesity and some cardio issues, to state a few. Just by being able to get a good work-life balance, we can reverse such life style diseases and be more creative, more productive and be able to achieve all our goals that we set to and want to achieve in the first place.

Need more ideas to deal with Stress and work-life balance?

For more inspiration and ideas on handling stress and achieving success in what you seek, you can read through all my blogs .

Interested in taking this Further?

Curious about my coaching methods and easy to follow tips and tricks in managing your stress and achieving success in professional and personal life?

To learn more about Winning the Game of Change, you can schedule a complimentary coaching call from my website :   https://coachingwithgeeta.com/book-a-session/

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