The Game of Change

Geeta Ramakrishnan

Emotions

Mommy Summit at KidZania Mumbai

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Some online articles on the ‘Mommy Summit’ at KidZania, R-City Mall, Ghatkopar, Mumbai, which took place in May 2019.

Nat24: https://bit.ly/2E4LPoq (Date: 11 May 2019)

Mumbai News Network : https://bit.ly/30hBBIC    (Date 10th May 2019)

Indian Education Diary.com :  https://bit.ly/2JAcpch (Date 11th May 2019)

 

Wonder-woman and Super-mans, mothers are no less than all our superheroes, combined. With the percentage of working women on the rise, there is hardly any difference in the number of hardships these women have to face. Having a career after becoming a mom is indeed tough, having to balance your family life, your professional life, while battling the constant guilt and taunts that are in addition to your work stresses, cannot be an easy job.

With five phenomenal women on the panel, KidZania along with Mompreneur circle decided to host a discussion, about the hardships of being a mompreneur. The truth of the not-so-rosy side of it, and how in spite of all of that, these women have beautifully managed to balance their work life and their motherhood. The esteemed panelist include Trupti OakNatekar (Co-founder, PATHFINDERS A Parenting Journey), Ms. Geeta Ramakrishna (Author of #1 Amazon Best Seller book ‘The Game of Change’), Shunila Joy Chauhan (Principal of Thakur International School – Cambridge), Dr. Bhavi Mody (Health Evangelist and Homeopathic Specialist), Gayatri Sundaram (Head of Content, KidZania India), and Ms Poonam Wadera was the moderator (MahaVastu Expert. Astro-Numerology & Dowsing Expert)

“I was absolutely delighted to be the part of this esteemed panel discussion which we had today with KidZania and mompreneur circle. It was a very exalting experience because my fellow panelist was super and amazing in terms of sheer experience and diversity in career. We got to learn so much because there was a principal, an author, doctor and holistic person. The audience was so open it is very interesting to see that because the mother usually doesn’t ask for help or come out to share her experience,” said Trupti OakNatekar, Co-founder, PATHFINDERS A Parenting Journey.

Gayatri Sundaram, Content Head, KidZania opines, “We had a healthy mix of moms across 3 decades of parenting. But the crux still remains that as a mother you should be guiltless, have some “me” time, ask for help, and be sure to distinguish between professional and personal requirements. Be patient and persistent to achieve both professionally and personally. Of course, there will be trade-offs and you need to be welcoming the same rather than fighting to have it all.  Learn from your child how to be happy at all times. Nothing is permanent and if you are a mom who feels the guilt, just remember this too shall pass. Just speak it out, and let go of the negative associations. In the end, you have a beautiful family that you are nurturing. And yes, as a mother you are doing a fabulous job, always! Give yourself some credit! You deserve it.”

Ms. Geeta Ramakrishnan, ontological coach, and Author of #1 Amazon Best Seller book ‘The Game of Change comments, “It was my honor to be a part of KidZania’s panel discussion centered on mom power to celebrate Mother’s day. The panel members were from different stages of motherhood right from mom with married kids (that is me) to mom with an 18-month toddler made an enriching discussion.  We spoke about time management, prioritizing ‘Me Time’, learning to say NO, asking for help and about having an open conversation and developing trust in our children. All power to KidZania and Mompreneurs for organizing such empowering event.”

Poonam Wadera, MahaVastu Expert. Astro-Numerology & Dowsing Expert adds “Balancing Entrepreneurship & Motherhood was an absolutely fabulous event.  The key take away for Mompreneurs is that while you strive to be perfect, do accept that sometimes things will go wrong and that is totally ok.  Additionally, at every step be it professionally or personally, lay the boundary limits of what one can do, cannot do & always reach out for help. Our community at Mompreneur circle encourages women to share their challenges as well as guide and support each other.”

Ms. Shunila Joy Chauhan Principal Thakur International School – Cambridge says, “It was great learning that helped me to appreciate the balance between the two roles: motherhood and career. Prioritizing, time management and self-care through ”me’ time are the greatest gifts to all mothers juggling between the two worlds.”

 

 

Indian Express : Manage your energy as a parent

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My article on Parenting
As published in Indian Express
Dated: 4th March 2019

 

Manage your energy as a parent and be fully present

Geeta Ramakrishnan

By attending office calls during family time, you are sending the message that they are less important. The best part of childhood is the time you spend together.

The decision to be a parent entails huge responsibilities.

Being a perfect parent is a myth, yet it remains a constant endeavour. To begin with, the decision to be a parent entails huge responsibilities. As prospective parents, you need to give a serious thought to the time, financial, physical and emotional commitment. Yet, sometimes, too much thought, ifs and buts, wondering whether one is capable, if one can afford something, does not work either. The joy of parenthood is something that cannot be explained but needs to be experienced. You can never be prepared enough when your bundle of joy arrives and turns your world upside down. I believe children are a gift from God, as Khalil Gibran penned in these beautiful words:

Your children are not your children

They are the sons and daughters of life’s longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

 

As parents and especially with young children, you need to be high energy super-parents. You have to multitask, and be there for them and somehow magically manage your work, find time for yourself, your relationship and your social life. Young children depend on you for their physical needs and emotional support. It is worth investing to get a perfect time management routine in place, with both parents chipping in.

In spite of this juggling, often parents need some help and support. Enrolling grandparentsand friends or outsourcing help is often a win-win formula. It can give you some free time for each other, to gather your sometimes chaotic and fast-paced life. This allows you to be fully available as parents, where you are more fun to be with rather than feeling stressed and angry.

 

When you are with your children, give them your 100 per cent attention. By attending office calls during family time, you are unconsciously sending the message that they are less important to you, while ironically working for your family. The best parts of your childhood are not those expensive gifts your parents gave you, but the time you spent together, the times you laughed and played together. Wouldn’t you want to give the same to your children?

If your life is more organised and disciplined, your children learn by example. Co-create the rules and boundaries together, enrolling the children in the process. Define the consequences of breaking the rules. It need not be severe. Missing weekends out or having to wash the dishes perhaps. And follow through with it. Playing board games or doing a barbeque together are great family bonding exercises.

Your children learn from you. Empower them with good values like mutual respect and empathy. Teach them through example by living it yourself. Engage them in social discussions and increasing their awareness. Allow them to make their mistakes and learn from it, nurturing them into mature young adults ready to transform a better tomorrow, a better world.

(The writer is author of The Game of Change.)

Have we become a slave of our Emotions?

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Every morning we get up thinking of that stressful meeting or the hundred things that needs to be done in the morning. We even get up saying our first hello to the mobile phones, checking the facebook and whatsapp messages. We are unconsciously strengthening our brain connection with the past thoughts and emotions, most of which are negative. It helps in reaffirming the brains learning from the past and be in that emotion from the past.
Emotions causes inner changes in our body, releasing hormones and our body reacts as if under a real threat. Our heart rate goes up, blood rushes to our legs in preparation for running, and our creative part of the brain shuts down at that time. This influences the choices we make in dealing with that situation and the words we use which most often is defensive rather than proactive. We practice this pattern day after day, making it our default mode.
What can we do to change? Can we change the people around us? Can we change our boss, our school, our society?  By changing how we perceive the events, focusing on gratitude even if it is an insy pinsie one, we are training our brains to rewire, to think and feel differently.
So what if your friend is always late and it irritates you? By you getting annoyed and angry, like in the past, you are only causing damage to your physical and mental health. Maybe you are thinking he is so arrogant and does not care to apologize…
Taking a step back, a deep breath allows you to think differently and opens up different possibilities. He has stood by you when you needed him. What if he has time management issues but is too proud to discuss? Have you had a conversation and told him how upset you get about his tardiness?  Once your defense mechanism is down, your creative instincts comes to your rescue. Your mood changes from stress to excitement in opportunities. This in-turn releases helpful hormones relaxing your body and mind, enabling you to change from stress to Zen.

Chapter 10 – Happiness

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Ramki on happiness:

This Ted talk sums it up ‘You want meaning in life, not happiness’ by Emily Esfahani Smith

It shows belonging to a family, a society, a culture and adding value to others, taking a few moment away from your busy life to reflect and understand the story you tell yourself, about how you perceive yourself and how your perceive the people and events around you, thinking about a purpose in life, all of this helps you add the ‘Power of Meaning’ to life to give true happiness.

One of the best quotes on happiness:

“I am the happiest man alive
I have that in me that can convert poverty into riches
Adversity into prosperity and
I am more invulnerable than Achilles
Fortune hath not one place to hit me”

by Thomas Browne

If one has such attitude would you be anything other than happy!

Chapter 9 – Parenting Superstar

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And Ramki’s take…

  1. Whenever I read or talk about parenting, I can’t but recall what my father did when I was in 8th standard in school. I had got 20 marks in science and I was very afraid to take my progress card to my father. He had one look at it and said ‘which idiot gave you 20 marks?!’ – a question I was thoroughly unprepared for. That showed the confidence he had in me! He took me to school, met the head master and told him, ‘my son is not a genius; at the same time he is not one who deserves 20 marks; I want the teacher changed!’; The head master pleaded saying in middle year it is difficult to change class; but my father would not hear any of it; he said ‘change the class or I change the school!’ and the head master did change my class! After 50 plus years I still remember this vividly and it certainly helped me get self confidence. The whole thing could have been handled very negatively leaving a scar for the rest of my life!
  2. I like the personal stories you give and the vulnerability you are not afraid to show in your writing.
  3. ‘My mother eats and sleeps’ is hilarious!
  4. Another thing I really enjoyed is ‘the child has not read any of it (the books)!
  5. Very good tip: helping child set goals and targets; do not compare!
  6. Some gems here:
    1. You can have your life and be a parent too.
    2. Children make you better human beings.
    3. Never a dull moment as parent.
    4. There is no perfect family.
    5. At no age you stop being a parent and there is no age that you stop learning to be a parent.
    6. Listen without judgment.
    7. Pace a conversation and paraphrase what other person says –are good advices for any conversation.
    8. I am not perfect can be the mantra for improving our life in general; then we will think a lot before criticizing!

Chapter 8 – Effortless Relationships

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Ramki says:

  1. Principle of equals. Willingness to let go of ego. The most cardinal principle for an effective long term relationship.
  2. Our scriptures repeatedly point out we need to get out of ‘I’ – ‘mamakara’ and ‘ahankara’.
  3. When I read what you said ‘My husband is what I am not’- I was bemused; ‘My partner Sk is what I am not! We have been together in partnership for 40 years being south and north poles! As you say somehow it works! Opposites do attract!
  4. On the subject of trust I would urge you to listen to Ted radio hour (a collection of Ted talks on same subject) on the subject of trust and consequences; it aired on Mar 15 2018.
  5. ‘Comparing’ which you mention is one of the most dangerous things in relationships. Never ever compare. After all each one of us , our faces, our thumbs, our iris – our everything is different. Each one of us is a genius in something – some know it; some do not ; if we start comparing with a negative attitude, it will not make our life any better. Especially children never ever compare. A child needs love and as you rightly point out needs a constant reassurance.
  6. Emotional abusers are good manipulators! That’s a classic statement; a gem!
  7. Keeping the phone for charge in a far corner of the room or in another room is a must; I was happy to note in TW meetings there is a place to keep the mobile so that people would not be tempted to keep watching them all the time and sending that ‘one important message’ or mail; it becomes one too many!
  8. Cuddling is a pain killer is classic too!
  9. Every day finding 10 ways to be grateful is the key to happiness.
  10. I recently forwarded my friend’s statement to others. He said ‘My wife and I count each day as a bonus and whole life as a blessing’; that’s the only door to happiness!

N.B:

I love this beautiful video by a Buddhist Monk called ‘in giving we receive’ – about the Red wood trees which live hundreds of years but have shallow roots. They survive hurricanes and floods for many years by linking their roots and making a bond – is not many marriages like that? We owe our good lives to the peace, love and harmony brought about by our strong bondages and the better half.

Chapter 7 – Heart Meets Head

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What Ramki had to say…

How emotions are neglected is beautifully brought out with the salesman example. I have come across another great example in the following story.

A wake up call with a twist! Orlando Marriott in Florida. 7 o’clock wake up call.

‘Good morning Dr. B, it’s seven o’clock,’ caller says. ‘It’s going to be 75 degrees here today, but the computer says you’re leaving. Where are you going?’

‘New York City’, B said.

‘New York City? Let me see what the weather report in the paper says Oh dear. It’s gonna be 40 degrees and raining in New York. Couldn’t you stay another day?’

B asked for the woman’s name and was told it was Juanita.

Next was a speaking engagement in Orlando and B found he was booked into a different hotel.

His reaction: ‘But, I want to be in the Marriott, so I can speak to Juanita in the morning!’

Isn’t that WOW!

It’s not the 7 star service or size of room or the bed or the food or any of the hundred other things here –but the human approach of a person in a call centre. I tell this story to emphasize how every employee at every level is important and can make the business a success!

  1. Using your head and heart together – I recall a real story Chairman of a Company in Chennai told me. He was doing trekking in African Jungle with a forest ranger (actually one is not supposed to do that – they say always be in a vehicle as animals think the vehicle is bigger than them and avoid them; if you are on foot, you are another breakfast, lunch or dinner item depending on time or enemy!) They came across a lone tusker which is very dangerous. In the resultant confusion the team got separated and the ranger was with one of the groups. The elephant charged the other group of people where our friend was. The ranger suddenly came in between the charging elephant and the group of people it was charging. He waved the two sticks he had above his head creating an impression he was huge. The elephant stopped in its tracks and stomped the earth and trumpeted taking stock of the situation. He stood his ground and it backed off. Later on, he told the people he had heard that such a thing can make the elephant stop/back off as it gets confused about the real size of the person. Here was a person using his head and heart together (he felt he was responsible for their welfare, he had his knowledge and the guts) and took a brave split second decision which saved many lives. This may not be in same league as what you have written but gives a different perspective!
  2. Controlling anger – one important thing I tell my people is: ‘if you are angry and have drafted a mail in anger don’t send it – save it to drafts and look at it later – say after 4 hours – when you are more calm and composed; you will invariably make changes to the draft!’ (maybe even delete it).
  3. ‘When you say certain things you will get certain responses.’ I recall what I read about Benjamin Franklin – a rare combination of a good scientist and good businessman. If he is in a meeting and offers some good advice and some one else offers a stupid alternative, he will handle it very well. He will not put down that person or his idea. He will say “That’s a very good idea; but may be it won’t work here because…; what do you think?” and put it forth nicely. This way he got his thing done without offending any body; I am sure that other guy not even realizing his idea got shot down, will go and brag to his wife or friend that Benjamin said his idea was very good!
  4. ‘You don’t need a reason to feel happy’; Jaggi Vasudev has a similar take; he says when you get up in the morning rejoice saying ‘I am alive’; considering many people die every day, is it not an achievement to be just alive! Wonderful way to be happy without a reason!
  5. Your suggestions like new skills, Somatic, dance, music, yoga all are wonderful.
  6. Best sales person – I have a story for that too! How does the best sales person in USA sell cars? Jerry Griffin is one of the best car salesmen in U.S.A .There was nothing he would not do for a customer. One day a company sent out bid sheets to all car dealers asking for prices. All dealers sent in bids. Jerry sent excellent cars to the company parking lot and asked them to choose! He knew what the client wanted and acted on it. He was not planning to sell, preparing to sell, hoping to sell, he just sold and gave a choice also to the customer!’