The Game of Change

Geeta Ramakrishnan

Body and Language

Blog 4/52 Wear your Smile

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Blog 4/52: Wear your Smile 🙂
Do you notice how you show up in the mornings? This mood lays a path of how you think and feel the rest of that day.
Sonia got up late, was caught up in a traffic jam and was late for her meeting. Her meeting did not go well. She was passing her irritable mood to her team and it did not help the situation.
What can you do if you were in Sonia’s place… Can you put on a big smile in your face. Try it out. Yes, you can fake it till you make it. Your brains will think you are happy when your facial muscles makes the impression of a ‘smile’. Just as your irritable energy is contagious, a smiley happy positive energy is equally contagious. People will be more relaxed around you and consequently this forms a good platform to creatively deal with any situation with more patience and acceptance.

We don’t have to be Superwomen; Stop pushing yourself too hard. Find the Balance

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Find the link of the online article Nat24, dated 30th Oct 2019

Titled We don’t want to be super women; Stop pushing yourself too hard. Find the Balance.

Link: https://bit.ly/2WpIkR4

Indian women have to juggle multiple roles and as a result, they are often overwhelmed and stressed. But, it is possible to find that balance and lead happier lives.

Today’s world is filled with competition and stress and whether one likes it or not, I believe women work twice as hard as men in many aspects of life, be it professional or personal. Women wear multiple hats, and juggling them successfully is an acquired skill. We are daughters, mothers, professionals, managers, homemakers, dreamers, achievers. We want to be seen as strong and confident in all that we do and that comes with a cost.

It often costs us our self-esteem. Soon, resentment and stress become an accepted way of life. We need to learn to step back, pause and introspect. We need to give ourselves the time and much earned validation to feel confident, which usually takes a beating as we navigate through these multiple roles in life.

Women are conditioned to behave in a certain way

We seem to think that some things are the way of life for us. We have been conditioned over generations with an image of how women should be. When we were young, our mothers unconsciously fed us that our image should be of someone who does not argue, fight or talk too loud.

We grow up accepting a lot of ‘inequality’ and have to work hard and fight against such ‘norms’. Although men are different than women, both men and women are important as we bring our own unique attributes to this world, our society, and our family. We can be emotionally stronger, are more focused, and better managers than men, with greater attention to details. It helps us to be more aware and focus on our uniqueness and derive our strength from it rather than complaining or resenting it.

Is the concept of ‘superwoman’ a myth?

Are we on a quest to be the ‘ideal’ women? How can we be seen as achievers and how can we dream big? Does multitasking overwhelm us instead of boosting effectiveness?

It may be harder for us to climb the corporate ladder perhaps. Can we change the male-dominated trend in this world be being aggressive or by complaining? Maybe we are devoting more time to our family, our children, much more than our spouse perhaps. Are we giving any time or value for ourselves? Are we putting ourselves in constant stress?

Women stop pushing yourself too hard!

As a woman, a wife, a mother, a working woman, we constantly struggle to give our best to the different roles we play in life. We often think we can handle the children better and allow the strain of child-rearing to rest more on our shoulders. We often do not expect, let alone ask for help in household responsibilities.

To be seen as equally efficient in the office we take in more work, more working hours perhaps. If there is physical or emotional abuse, we sometimes accept it due to the lack of a better option. If we choose to fight we can be termed aggressive.

We are under constant stress

While smoking and drinking socially may not be harmful, as an escape from stress, it can be short-lived, increasing addictive dependency. We cope with stress by procrastination, denial or ignoring the problem in hand, playing the blame game: My maid is always late and irresponsible; my office staff never gives the report on time, why can’t my children be more responsible… The list is endless.

We often go into denial mode. Our body needs the rest when the symptoms are shouting out otherwise. It could be the aches and pains which doctors have no remedy for, it could be some gene issues or just that niggling headache. How many times are we in denial when there is physical or emotional abuse? We might want to ignore and wish the problem away, as we have no time or energy to deal with them now. Yes, it takes courage. It takes courage to say ‘No’. Yes, there is fear. But everything we want is often possible if we defeat our fears.

When we recognize the problems and pitfalls, we want to change. But, most of us do not know how to change. Often all it takes is for us to physically take the step back and take a deep breath. Sounds so easy, yet it is powerfully effective. These few seconds are enough to allow our brain to move from its default 24/7 ‘stress’ mode to a ‘creative’ window. All the solutions are within us, right there in the creative side of our brain. This stepping back and observing ourselves is a good first step.

Breathe and let it go: Finding the balance

If we, as women want to give our best in all the multiple roles, we first need to give ourselves ‘me time and space’. If we don’t pace ourselves, take a pause, validate ourselves, how can we add value to others, be it in our personal or professional life?

Take time out for coffee-breaks with friends, a movie perhaps. It is a good platform to share, even bitch a little and laugh our heads off.  Learn to let-go, to forgive. Forgiveness is only complete when we forgive and forget. It lets the big burden off our shoulders. Empathy helps one look at issues from another perspective, while not necessarily agreeing with it. Try to understand a colleague’s issue, sometimes beyond work. It will lead to healthy conversations, even if it is a difficult one.

Looking for and focusing on even the smallest positive aspect of our spouse, our children, and appreciating them is a great step forward to building that solid trust. All these steps help us to define our boundary better and making it easier to say ‘No’. It also helps us become assertive and confident. It boosts our self-esteem, image, and self-worth.

The more we exercise these mindful practices, the more we will access our creative brain and find that perfect balance. It helps us stay away from resentment and stress thereby leading us to happiness. It allows us to blossom into strong, confident women with abundant energy.  And when we share our happiness and nurture others, we also unleash success in whatever we do.

Stress to Zen

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I was invited to talk at OPM52, Harvard Reunion at Portugal on 7th Oct 2019.

The topic being :From Stress to Zen. Set at a relaxed atmosphere at a winery near Lisboa, with leaders and change makers from OPM/ Harvard , I couldn’t have asked for more.

Interestingly I noticed I was in stress and tried the breathing technique I recommended to the audience. I call it 3-3-6 technique. Breath in to the count of 3, hold to the count of 3 and slowly breath out to the count of 6. But nothing helped calm my racing heart beat. I did go ahead and deliver my speech. After-all, my new motto was ‘I am not perfect’.

What was the reason behind my stress. My perception of the ‘Harvard’ audience, how will people judge me…  The best part of life, in my opinion is, it is a good leveler. It grounds you and offers lessons at every nook and corner. It is for us to take that pause, do the 3-3-6, helping us be aware of our thoughts and feelings, and use these awareness and learnings to a better ‘I’.

It was an awesome and humbling experience and I am truly grateful to OPM52 for offering me this amazing opportunity.

Chapter 5 – Beyond Overwhelm

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Week 5 and what’s Ramki saying… ????

  1. ‘True time management has become a life skill.’ With today’s explosion of data and information one can go mad if one does not manage time and have focus.
  2. You have touched all aspects of good time management – boosting self-esteem; less stress; more productivity; more learning opportunities; more introspection time;
  3. Charles Darwin said: ‘A man who dares to waste one hour of time, has not discovered the value of life.’
  4. Many people have not learnt the art of saying no. That is a pity. Not only do they exhaust themselves, they also earn a bad name for not keeping up their words!
  5. Prioritizing based on likes is something many of us do! It becomes a habit! Your suggestion has to be implemented by all to save time and be productive.
  6. Stress – some time back I listened to a HBR idea cast ‘Handling stress in the moment’ – in it HBR contributing editor Amy Gallo discusses the best tactics to recognize, react to, and recover from stressful situations. She’s a contributor to the HBR guide to managing stress at work. You may want to listen to it/read the related HBR article.
  7. Morning before school stress – reminded me of a story on Toyota’s Five why’s and how a lady found the solution to her life problems (why the family can’t have dinner together) asking the question why –five times -like Toyota does to solve any problem. Read it here: https://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2016/03/10/how-asking-5-questions-allowed-me-to-eat-dinner-with-my-kids/ ** on parenting – see below
  8. Financial needs are limitless – how true! Scriptures say desire is like ghee poured on fire; the more ghee you pour, the more ghee the fire wants! Sense objects have 3 defects – dukhamisritattvam, athriptikaratvam, bandakatvam (sure of leading to sorrow, insatiabe – being never fully satisfied, leading to bondage – may God pardon my poor translation!)
  9. Looking inward is really the solution to move forward. Essence of Vedanta.
  10. Spend some time with Nature – it works very well for me; I like to take my walks in parks; and after the walk just spend 5 minutes watching the trees, the flowers, the wind , the birds, the squirrel and listening to the nature’s sounds – it is so rejuvenating! (Yesterday I and my daughter took a walk in an estate in Coonoor and I did this morning too – it was a sublime experience! Imagine starting the day with a Rainbow and a Golden sun!)
  11. Mindfulness is important – Swami Paraarthananda used to say about meditation – it should not be ‘mouth chanting and mind ranting’!
  12. TV serials – yes some of them so absorbing it is difficult not to watch-get hooked – I make it a point to see ‘only on weekends’; actually it heightens the suspense and that is good! I watched serials in Nettflix like ‘Designated survivor’; (Thanks to Vardu) ; ‘Suits’; ‘Big bang theory’; one which was totally gripping (unputdownable as they say for books) was the ‘Money Heist’ a Spanish serial with English sub titles–it was awesome. ‘Breathe’ in Amazon Prime was good too.
  13. All 3 action points are very useful. 30 minutes a week, planning 4 boxes with family and adding ‘me-time’. Talking of me-time equivalent, Gita 13th chapter Verse 8-12 (Amanitvam, Adambitvam…) while talking of qualities of Gnani includes ‘an inclination for solitary places and an aversion for mundane society’.

**

On Children
Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

**

Chapter 2 – No Age to Change

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Hi again. It is week 2.

Ready for Ramki’s gyan on Chapter 2?

No Age to Change:-

And I quote…

  1. Yes, age is but a Number!
  2. I always quote Fauja Singh when I am on the subject of age; there were two more such people who took to running very late in their life and ran marathons –Gladys Burrill of Hawaii and Srikrishna Deshpande. Like Fauja they started late and ran marathons in their 90’s! and there is this lady from Punjab who is 101 (Man Kaur -Miracle from Chandigarh) and inspired her son 79 to start running- they both run now!
  3. People spend 95% of time assessing their past and thinking about fear of future uncertainties.’ Very true. This message is strewn all over the scriptures. Few examples are given below.
  4. Viveka Choodamani exhorts us to ‘convert worry time into medication time!’ Bhagvad Gita says: ‘No event deserves sorrow as response!’; Kaivalya Upanishad says: ‘Two powerful expressions of Samsara are: 1) Regret for the past; 2) Anxiety and fear regarding future. True knowledge of God will remove them.’
  5. ‘Humans have survived through ages by adapting.’ A beautiful quote I like on adaptation is :’I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination’ by Jimmy Dean.
  6. Charles Darwin said: ‘It is not the strongest or fastest which survive; it’s those most adaptable to change.’
  7. ‘Don’t be afraid to try new things and ideas’; I love this and practice this. I have taken up learning Sanskrit at age 65 as you suggest at end of this chapter; believe me it is tough! Last month I and my daughter went to Bir Billing in HP and did Para Gliding from a height of 7500 ft (of course Tandem) –supposed to be second highest spot in the world!
  8. ‘10 minutes breathing morning and evening’; you know of course, Sandhya Vandana prayer has Pranayama which just does that. Three times a day. Of course many of us do not do it or do it without the breathing part; I do Yoga for 15 minutes on most days. The age old practices all had meaning.
  9. The grandmother story touched me; I was reminded of Vaidehi’s grandmother who passed away a year back. She was 101! She had 4 sisters and 2 of them lived to 100! The secret of their century? They worked hard in villages for many years. The kitchen was their Gym! They saw lot of change and adapted. Took what life threw at them with a smile and grit. They loved their families totally. They did their stuff whether it was rain or sunshine. They never expected much in return. They lived happily and made others happy! I told this story in TW meeting in Dubai and said a company can also live a hundred years if it is resilient to change!

The messages I loved in this part:

  1. Even if you decide not to act it is a form of action! (But sometimes even that is a problem; I read a Newton’s law of Internet ‘for every action there is an unequal and opposite over reaction!’- when PM does not talk opposition wants to know why he is not talking!)
  2. Brain needs to be exercised.
  3. Form habits by using brain’s natural capabilities.
  4. Mistakes help to point out new opportunities.
  5. When there is less stress you get more time.

More coming up…next week… TATA until then…

Chapter 1 – Zero to Hero

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I received a surprise email a few days back. S Ramakrishnan or Ramki as we know him is a Managing Partner in PKF Chennai, a family friend for over 2 decades. I have admired his innate aptitude for re-constructing deeper meaning and adding value to many topics he regularly reads and shares.
I had to post his take on the various chapters from my book: The Game of Change. It is a pleasant surprise and a great honor for me to receive his review on my book.

And I quote :-

“Chapter 1 – Zero to Hero

It’s nice to see that some of your messages mirror the Bhagvad Gita/Upanishads; though I am just in Kindergarten, I could find a few parallels; your advice ‘learn to appreciate everything that life is offering you’ is very much the essence of the other (!) Gita – Chapter 2 sloka 38 which exhorts us to: treat alike pain & pleasure, gain & loss, victory & defeat!

Your example of Rope and Snake is found throughout Vedas and Gita to show us the ephemeral nature of the world. When it is dark or when it is very bright you won’t mistake a rope for a snake; it is only when there is less light you get that fear. When there is half knowledge one mistakes the world as true and does not realize it is Mithya/mirage. There is but One Reality.

Your choice of words is beautiful.

Examples being:

  1. Give your body a happy liver (First time I am reading this!)
  2. Focus on things that work.
  3. You have to give her a good ear.
  4. Often it is better to be kind than right.
  5. Start counting all the blessings.

These are the essence of life and given in a distilled form, presented in a very, simple, lucid and eloquent way!

Will write more after I read more…”

More to come soon…